3 ways that our ignored emotions impact our lives!
If you think you can get away with ignoring your emotions, think again! Your unprocessed emotions bleed into other parts of your life in ways that you are completely unaware of.
Below are the three most common ways that we offload our ignored emotions based on Brene Brown’s research.
Numbing.For many of us, our first response to emotional pain is not to lean into our discomfort. Instead, we try to numb our pain with whatever behavior provides the quickest relief. Each of us tries to take the edge off emotional pain with a variety of behaviors, including: shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change, social media, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, chaos, work, caretaking, gambling, affairs, or religion.
Chandeliering. We use a lot of energy to push down our feelings. Sometimes we think we’ve packed the hurt so far down that it can’t possibly resurface. Then a seemingly innocent comment will send us into a rage, spark a crying fit, or trigger a huge shame attack.
Bouncing Hurt. Brene Brown refers to the ego as our inner hustler that has very little tolerance for discomfort or self-reflection. The ego doesn’t own stories or want to write new endings; it wants to deny emotions and it hates curiosity. Avoiding truth and vulnerability are critical parts of keeping up that hustle and the ego relies on anger, blame, and avoidance to maintain that front.
- Anger: It’s much easier to say, “I don’t give a damn,” than it is to say, “I’m hurt.”
- Blame: Finding fault, making excuses, inflicting payback, and lashing out – all of these behaviors are ultimate forms of self-protection.
- Avoidance:When you adopt a pose of indifference or stoicism, or deflect with humor and cynicism, you are avoiding difficult emotions.
The only way you can get through your hurt or pain is by accepting all of your emotions as real and recognising the need to process them. We can’t get over it until we allow ourselves to go through it.